i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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