One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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