"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
