We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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