please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
