I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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