2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
