Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
