I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
