Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
