I want to make a zoo with you.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
