The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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