Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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