Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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