I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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