Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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