I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
