I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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