Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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