I cannot find my penis.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
