Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize