he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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