Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
her facebook's as public as her vagina
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
