I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
