So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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