So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
