1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize
