One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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