in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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