if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
