did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
