Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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