she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
