His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
tequila makes me forget i have legs
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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