I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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