4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
