once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
