so that wasnt chicken after all
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
