We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
