i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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