Whatcha textin bout Willis?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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