She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
