U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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