Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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