someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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