is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
