god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
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From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
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I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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