omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
