i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
