i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
