We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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