we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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