What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He better not be in your backpack
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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