There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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