I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
