I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
