I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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