he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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