I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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