Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
