would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
