I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
