Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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