oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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