I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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