He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
there is puke in my bra ... again
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
