he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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