she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
