i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
