The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
