absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
