it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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