so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hippo gnu deer
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
