He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
