he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
