i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Randomize
