The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
