Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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