he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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