i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
