my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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