do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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