"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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