I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
