Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
