I'm eating all of the evidence.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
